My Dear Mother In Law Stella Morris

My Mother in Law passed away at the end of March. She had 4 tumors in her brain, she never told us about it, she didn't want us to worry about her. She didn't want to see us at Christmas and she never saw Fiona after the surgery....I was so upset with her because I didn't think she wanted to see the kids at all.....little did I know it was probably break her heart to spend time with them knowing that she didn't have much time left.

I have so much guilt that I carry with me each and everyday for the way that I talked to see the last couple of time on the phone, I got upset with her because of not wanting to see the kids.

She was a wonderful Mother in law and a great Nanna.

I miss you so much Stella....I hope you are having a great time with your love John.

My Son Noah

My 9 year old son Noah is an awesome child. He was recently diagnosed with OCD and anxiety.

I feel so bad for him because I also have suffered from anxiety for 10 years....it's not fun.

Noah went to a place called the Chisholm Center to see if he actually had a learning disability, which he doesn't. His problem is that he gets himself so worked up about school that he has major breakdowns. We have an IEP in place for him which is wonderful because he gets one on one time with a special teacher. His grades have come up.

I know that I passed this anxiety onto him...it's hereditary.

The Surgery

My Hero Dr. John Phillips

Fiona's head beforeFiona's head after

I know that I have no wrote in so long....so here is everything about the surgery:

The night before the surgery was brutal, I don’t think keri or I got much sleep at all. We had to get up at 4:30am to be at the hospital for 6:00. It was sad saying goodbye to my Mom and Dad, everyone was very upset. We got to the hospital and headed to the 6th floor. We registered with the nurse, then they told us to go and wait in this waiting room with all the other parents and children there that day for surgeries. A nurse came in and asked us to go with her to another room, that is where the anesthesiologist came out to talk to us, he was a very nice man, then Dr. Phillips came in and told us that she would be fine and that everything will go great. Soon after a nurse came out and took Fiona from my arms, that was the hardest thing I ever had to do, I still get teary eyed thinking about that. It was very hard on Keri too, he was being strong for me but it was pretty brutal on both of us. Right away they wisk you off to the surgery waiting room, they don’t want the children to see you cry. We met a lot of parents in there, some of the stories were so sad. I knew that Fiona would be fine, I had total trust in Dr. Phillips. Catherine ( my SIL) came at 9:00 to wait with us, it was nice for Keri and I to have her there with us, Around 1:00 we got a phone call in the waiting room saying that everything went perfect and they were just finishing up. Around 2:00 Dr. Phillips came in to meet with us. He told us that she did great, she hardly lost any blood and that the cyst that they were going to remove from her head was gone so they didn’t need to do anything about it. We both were so relieved that it was finally over and our baby was fine.Around 3:00 we got to see her and her new forehead in the AICU, I started crying right away she looked so good, the swelling didn’t kick in yet so we got to see what she was going to look like. She was in a oxygen tank to help her breathing but they only kept it on her for about 1-1/2 hours. She had 2 drain tubes coming out from the side of her head. A couple of hours later they moved her to the ICU for the night. We visited with her a few times, they let us sleep in her room on the 8th floor that night which was great because we were both walking zombies. I went to see her at 2:00am and then at 5:30am. They told me that they were moving her up to the room by 6:30am. SO she was in the ICU for a total of about 15 hours. When she got to the room, the swelling still really didn’t kick in (Thursday morning) she was sleeping a lot but extremely cranky, she didn’t liked to be bothered with but the nurses had to check her vitals all the time and clean the stitches. By Friday morning her eyes were completely swollen shut, it was awful, but they removed the drains and her IV’s so we were able to take her out in the stroller around the hospital. She was so miserable so was I. It was very draining to watch your baby in pain and frustrated because she couldn’t see. Saturday was a great day, she was still swollen but by around 6:00 I was on the phone with Stella (My MIL) and holding Fiona, she looked up at me and had one eye open, I was so excited, she smiled at me for the first time in 3 days. I was crying of course. I called Keri and he came back to the hospital to see her. She started to eat and wanted to play right away. The nurse told me that we would be going home the next day (Sunday)….I was ecstatic.I can’t say enough about Sick Kids hospital. The nurses are so wonderful. Not only did they take care of my baby but they made sure I was OK too. Dr. Phillips is my hero, as he said….he gave Fiona the forehead she was supposed to be born with. I think he’s a genius and I will never forget him.I’m also so proud of Noah, I know how scared he was to visit Fiona at the hospital but he did anyways and made her a great sign that I put up over her crib.Craniokids helped me so much, I couldn’t have done this without the support from all the parents on there. I’ve met some wonderful people and I hope now that we have gone through this surgery that I can help out someone too.