Career Change

Well Keri is going for it, he is going to change careers. I'm very happy for him but I'm also jealous, he is going to school, he is bettering his life and I'm stuck. We both can't afford to do it, plus I have to take care of the kids. I just always seem to be on the back burner, I guess that's my own fault. Everyone is losing jobs because of gas prices and the economy. I make crap money, and my job is boring, the only good thing is Lynn Droy, she has become one of my best friends. I think we both feel the same way, it's a comfort thing.

Pissed off

Some kid took Noah's baseball glove, Noah gave it to an older kid to play with for a while, well the kid didn't give it back, he told Noah that it "fell off" his hand and he couldn't find it.
Why the hell aren't kids being raised properly? Noah would NEVER do that to another child. Now Noah is suffering because of it, he won't confront this brat so I called the school today, hopefully something is done about this. I don't want Noah to be a push over.
I ended up buying Noah another glove yesterday but we wouldn't let him bring it to school today, he had a total meltdown this morning, poor kid, but I didn't want another one lost or stolen again, I can't afford to keep replacing them.
The funny thing is, we wrote Noah's name in marker inside the glove, I know that if my child brought something home with another child's name in it I would question it.

Why won't she sleep?

Fiona is almost 19 months old, she has not slept through the night once, well the day of surgery she slept all night.
It's so frustrating, she goes to sleep no problem but she won't stay asleep, she wants to sleep with me, I want her to get used to sleeping on her own. Last night we both had a major breakdown, I was trying to let her cry it out, she started screaming at the top of her lungs, so I tried to calm her down by picking her up, well that didn't work, she threw herself backwards and was inconsolable. I started crying also. Keri came in and I yelled at him to get out, I had it under control, but I didn't I started yelling "Make her stop crying". I felt like she was a newborn again, I had all those feeling come rushing back, it was awful.
I don't know what to do, I'm so sleep deprived, I need sleep!!!

We raised $1000.00

I'm so happy, my goal was $500.00 for the sick kids walk, and we raised $1000.00. I thought maybe this would be the last year that we do it because I donate every month to Sick Kids hospital, but I want to do the walk again next year, I won't ask for any donations, Keri and I will just give money. I have to give back to Sick Kids anyway I can. I owe them, they were wonderful with Fiona. We are so lucky to have one of the best children's hospitals right near us.
We met so many families who have to pay to stay in motels and hotels because they are from out of town. One thing that Keri and I promised to each other was, if we ever won the lottery, we would give a ton of money to Sick Kids, but we would also open a house, like a Ronald McDonald house so that families can stay close to their children.

Sick Kids Walk

Last year we did the Sick Kids walk....I raised $1300.00. This year so far I raised $850.00. I'm so happy because all the proceeds go right to Sick Kids hospital. Here are a couple of pictures from last year. I will add this years pictures on Sunday after the walk. Fi will be wearing her awesome cranio shirt that my peep Candice from CK designed, and I'll be wearing my CK shirt again.

Life in general

I feel like I'm in a funk right now...so much has happened since Fiona's surgery....the 6 months leading up to it were the worst time of my life. I had so many questions, why should we put our baby through this, why was this happening to our little girl? The stress and anxiety was overwhelming, I remember driving one day...I don't know where I was but I started crying....I wanted to drive into a wall. Thank God the feeling past....I didn't know how to deal with the surgery, or the feelings.
I started weight watchers in January....I've lost 20 pounds.....I have not gone for 3 weeks.....it's a combination of a lot of reasons, I'm not in the right frame of mind right now, I can't attend the meetings because Keri golfs every Saturday morning, the other 2 days that they have meetings are the days that Keri is in school. I'm in a funk....all I do is take care of the kids, I have NO me time, and when I wants some I feel guilty for asking, actually even if I wanted some I can't Keri is too busy right now.

On a positive note Fiona is almost 8 months post op...in 2 days from now, at our last visit to Sick Kids, Dr. Phillips said everything looked perfect and we would not have to go back for 1 year....great news. We are doing the Sick Kids walk again in a couple of weeks....I won't be raising as much money as I did last year....I feel bad asking my friends and family for money again.

My Dear Mother In Law Stella Morris

My Mother in Law passed away at the end of March. She had 4 tumors in her brain, she never told us about it, she didn't want us to worry about her. She didn't want to see us at Christmas and she never saw Fiona after the surgery....I was so upset with her because I didn't think she wanted to see the kids at all.....little did I know it was probably break her heart to spend time with them knowing that she didn't have much time left.

I have so much guilt that I carry with me each and everyday for the way that I talked to see the last couple of time on the phone, I got upset with her because of not wanting to see the kids.

She was a wonderful Mother in law and a great Nanna.

I miss you so much Stella....I hope you are having a great time with your love John.