Ok, time to say how I really feel

First of all according to the sick kids website metopic happens 1 in 15,000 births with boy to girls 3:1, so it was pretty rare that Fiona was born with it. Now it's rare that she isn't healed properly. It's not fair....plain and simple. it actually fucking sucks...sorry for the language, but I'm upset, pissed off, sad, angry and I feel guilty for what my little girl is going to go through in the next few months. I know that it's not as serious as the first surgery blah, blah, blah I swear if someone says that to me again I think I'll snap. This will be her 3rd time in an O.R, she just turned 4.
And I know I should feel happy that she is healthy and it's fixable, but PLEASE let me have my pity party, let me feel sorry for our family just for a while. PLEASE!

It's been a while

Boy, it's been a while since I've blogged. Fiona is now 4 years old and in Jr kindergarten. She has to wear a helmet at school because she still has soft spots from the surgery. She is now 3 years and 3 months post op. We went to see Dr Phillips on Dec 3rd. I have had concerns for the whole year and he confirmed my worst fear...another surgery! The way she is healing is a mystery to him....of course it is, she's MY daughter.

She still has a number of soft spots on her skull, she also has had some bone resorption near her eye. They are going to make custom made titanium plates for the soft spots and a custom made implant near her eye. It is made with a material called "PEEK". Dr Phillips is also going to shave down the bone on her forehead where it grew too thick and is also going to make the scar thinner, it has gotten pretty wide over the years.

It's going to be a 3 hour operation and a 2-3 night stay....she is going to have a drain tube again.

She is having a CT done in the next couple of months under GA because there is no way that she would lay still while the CT is happening.

I wish I never heard the word cranio.

Got the point

I have decided that Fiona's head may not be the perfect shape right now, but I'm throwing in the towel for now. I'm going to stop taking pictures of her head, stop obsessing about it. Dr. Phillips has told me twice that she looks perfect, I'm not sure why I didn't listen to him. If she needs fill in's done in the future we will deal with it then, so for now I will enjoy my children, and not worry about cranio.

Fiona's surgery

Awwww....it's over and she did great. We got to the hospital at 1pm, we saw a nurse, she happened to be one of the nurses that took care of her when she her metopic surgery. We were sent down to the room where you wait for them to take her to the O.R. When we got in there, they told me that Fiona's surgery was on hold and that it maybe cancelled. I was very upset. I went down to get a bit to eat for 10 minutes, when I got back Keri told me that everything is OK and that the surgery was on. Soon after that Dr. Phillips came in to talk to us, I love that man, he is so caring, he kept saying Fiona looked great and that she was so pretty. Then the Anesthesiologist came in, they were super nice, they told me that I could bring Fiona to the O.R. I got dressed up in this crazy white jump suite. I kept telling Fiona I was a big marsh mellow. After giving Daddy kisses we walked down with the nurse to the O.R. They put the pulse thing on her toe and she started to get upset, then they put the mask on her, I rubbed her arm and was talking to her, when she was almost asleep I had to leave. I teared up a bit but I didn't cry, I did cry when another little boy, he was about 8 started crying when he was taken into the OR. I'm such a suck.
Fiona was in the O.R for about 1 hour and 30 minutes. We got to see her around 5:30. When we got into recovery, she was sitting up with the nurse, I held her right away, she was upset about the IV, her eye was swollen and red. They gave her some apple juice and 2 freezies, then we got to go home.
She has 4 dissolvable stitches and a nasty black eye. We are heading to Sick Kids Sept 12 for a follow up. I'm also meeting Lilah's mom Christina's Mom from cranio kids, which will be nice. Her peanut just had surgery yesterday.

2 Weeks

UGH....My Fiona bug is having her cyst removal surgery in 2 weeks, the worst part is going to be handing her over. She hardly goes to anyone yet alone a stranger. She is going to freak out.
I'm not sure if I can go in with her or not. I think that I may call and find out.
She has been rubbing her eye a lot lately and the cyst has gotten bigger.

2 more weeks....I can do this, I NEVER thought that my baby would be inside an OR ever again!!!

An Ear Infection

I have never been so happy to hear "It's an ear infection". Awwww......Fiona went to our doctor's on Thursday, I can't believe how much see can't stand being around doctor's, who can blame her.
She is on antibiotics for 5 days. I'm so happy that's all it is.

3 weeks is her cyst removal surgery....I'm not handling it very well, I'm so anxious all the time, my thoughts are erratic. I'm very scared.

I feel horrible

I hate the fact that all I do is worry all the time, doesn't matter what it's about...money, kids, job, husband, family, weight, health, future, future surgeries, panic attacks, anxiety, depression. EVERYTHING.
I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fiona has had a low grade fever for a couple of days but in my head her cyst is cancer....how ridiculous is that? She has a cyst and that's it. I feel like crying all the time. I hate this. She is probably teething or has a mild infection, she is going to see Dr. Molnar on Wednesday.